Sometimes nothing goes as planned!

We all have dreams, and I have often meticulously crafted plans for our lives. In our household I always envision weeks filled with learning, exploration, and personal growth. However, as many of us know all too well, life can decide to throw a spanner in the works and cause you to take a step back. A couple of weeks ago was a stark reminder of this reality for me. I had set out with high hopes as always, only to be derailed by a debilitating fibromyalgia flare.

At the beginning of the week, I had created a schedule that was a little ambitious but that’s how I like to plan, that way I always have more material to flow over to the next week, or if we suddenly need something outside of our normal workday to occupy us, I can just grab something. I had been doing some self-reflection and wanted to make sure that I was really building a faith centred approach not just to my son’s education but to our life. So, the week was like a milestone for me as I was really stepping up in how I run our household.

However, we barely got through Monday when I was met with a sudden and severe fibromyalgia flare. The pain radiated throughout my body, making even the simplest tasks feel impossible. My mind became clouded and unfocused. The words I wanted to express slipped away, leaving me frustrated and feeling inadequate.

In moments like these, it’s easy to spiral into feelings of failure and for someone like me this is just what I did. This is probably a good point to make a side note. I have unfortunately collected conditions like some children collect Pokémon cards over the years. I not only have fibromyalgia, but I am also ADHD (with BPD personality traits)/Autistic, have IBS, suffer from cluster migraines and anxiety. I have in the most part found a way to self-support these things and live a fairly normal life, it does mean that when things go wrong it can take me a while to get back on track.

It was during this recent flare that I found myself questioning my abilities and wondering why I couldn’t push through the pain to achieve my goals. The guilt of not being able to be there for my son and my family weighed heavily on my heart and I felt that I had let them down.

Just a couple of months ago, I would have retreated into myself, hidden away until my body started to function again and then punish myself for being lazy, or a burden to my husband. However, having recently immersed myself into my own faith exploration, and dedicating time to reading a wider selection of texts that discussed how to truly bring my faith into my day-to-day life and my son’s education I found that I didn’t want to hide away.

I wanted to face my condition head on and find a way to work with it to still achieve my goals. So, I altered our learning schedule, looking at things we could do that would allow me to rest. We shared books, played games, watched documentaries and my son helped me to complete jobs around the home. In was in this change of activity that made me remember that education opportunities are all around us. It also allowed me to teach my son how to pace, showing him how to achieve goals while taking care of oneself, a lesson I feel is often forgotten.

My son shone, showing empathy, compassion, and kindness, focussing on what he could do

for me instead of what he needed me to do for him. He also took the time to express what he had liked about our recent change in home education, and the introduction of the morning prayers and songs. He looked forward to these each morning and learning more about himself, not just his likes and dislikes, his Jewish identity and the values we live by but also how his body will physically change as he grows, a subject that previously he had been very nervous about.

Although the reason for the more relaxed week was not ideal, the opportunity it gave to my son to lead discussions was invaluable and I am thankful for that. I always believe that God only gives us what we can handle and maybe this was God’s way of saying, “you need to slow down and look, look at the person your son is becoming.”